Monday, December 08, 2008

network of conversations 'bout marriage

So, i'm engaged. And i was exchanging messages with an old friend on facebook, and she asked why i didn't respond to her "congrats". At first, i thought not much of it and said that i started to take the congrats for granted. Then i left it at that.

Not two minutes later i realized why i take the congrats with a grain of salt. What happens is that i find that a lot of people my age are getting married. And, it seems that people i know about ten or so years older, are getting divorced. So it seems like people are getting divorced like its a new pair of hot shoes. And i don't want those shoes. So i'm a little scared (when looking from the outside, at statistics, not from the quality of my relationship) that it's predictable that i'd get divorced sometime in the future.

I thought a few seconds later (and wrote this too) that saying congrats to someone getting married is like congratulating someone on getting a new job at Ford or Goldman Sachs. Granted, the job is great, but the environment surrounding the job seems toxic. knamean?

Now, about being married for a long time. There's a group (i'm too lazy to find them) that tape record a couple having an argument, while hooked up to all kinds of machines which measure heart rate, blood pressure etc, who can predict with like 90% accuracy whether a couple will stay married or get a divorce. Apparently, how people habitually react to the other person's communications stabilizes, and if their reactions are negative, then it predicts a tumultuous relationship leading to divorce.

My remedy is my knowledge of communication that i've learned from Neuro-Linguisitic Programming (NLP) and my experience as an introduction leader for Landmark Education. Both of these technologies/educational methodologies place a premium on open, honest and flexible communication. I figure that i'm a bit insulated from getting stuck in too many patterns, cuz i see them in a matter of weeks (even though sometimes i leave them alone, and don't do nothin about them). So i figure i'm good. But that's just my opinion. The proof will be in the 50 year anniversary. 2059, here we come!!!
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